Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
