How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
