You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
