How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I met the friendliest cop last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
