He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize