I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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