Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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