i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
