I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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