all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
