You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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