We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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