I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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