Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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