Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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