the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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