Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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