I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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