So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
