Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
