its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
