I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
