i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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