Where did you get a picture of my penis
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
