Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
