I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
