Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
