i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
