i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
