her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
