he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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