I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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