I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
