The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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