like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
