Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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