I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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