I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
