Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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