highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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