what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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