She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
