4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
