I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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