It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
