and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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