I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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