one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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