As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
