I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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