Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
