i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize