just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't want my vagina anymore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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