Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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