Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
