What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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