Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
