i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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