Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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