I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
