Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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