This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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