now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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