yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
