hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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