Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
