If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
