Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
