Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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